Silk Willow Talk

Big Brother is getting to the homestretch and I’m actually glad that Dr. Will Kirby and his sidekick whatshisname are still in the house. I am very entertained and impressed by their game play — unleashing their cloying charm upon the single women left in the game and coming on to America with no holds barred. Will Kirby, how can we resist you?

Annoying as you may seem, your wit and humor are unparalleled. Mike “Boogie” , however, is but a Dr. Evil hangers-on, but at least, he has loyalty. Janelle is now but a powerless husk of her former amazonian self. The floaters (those without strong alliances) Erika and George are dispensable. But there is one who remains who bears the brunt of my distaste, and that is the ever so vindictive, holier-than-thou Danielle, whose strategy and persona from Big Brother 3 are resurrected in the Big Brother All Stars installment.

She’s one of those “don’t mess with me cuz I’m one angry momma” kind of person, which rubs me the wrong way to the nth degree. There are 6 people left and I can’t wait for her to depart. When she reaches sequester (booted off contestants enter a sequester house), which I hope she does soon, she’ll be all about rolling her eyes, spouting out threats and vowing revenge on everybody till the house’s day of reckoning. Danielle, Janelle just called and wants her tears back.

<Credit: bigbtv.com>

 
What is Ryan Star DRINKING? What is he ON?? The last few weeks he’s come out from behind the Rock Star Supernova pack to become a frontrunner to possibly win the coveted lead singer spot in the band. Earlier on, his onstage movements likened him to a hammered gorilla, but it appears that he’s figured out how to stand still more often. He’s tall and has had to work to curb the awkwardness he displays onstage due to his size; he’s dark but he’s gone from grimy to swarthy; he’s handsome, which was the only thing going for him in the earlier weeks of this show.
He’s gained a huge following with his intense belting of Losing My Religion, the ultra-weird Paint It Black, the fantastic In The Air Tonight and the screamy but awesome original Back Of Your Car. Go Ryan. If you keep this up I’ll be compelled to vote.

And one more thing…. please don’t confuse this Ryan with this one, who was a mediocre contestant from the rocker chick mold right out of American Idol Season 1.

< Credit: erinfeinberg.com and Ryan Star’s myspace page >

I am dedicating this post to Leonid The Magnificent.

Sure it’s been two weeks since Leonid’s segment aired on America’s Got Talent, but I can’t help but give kudos to this special…ummmm….person, in the spirit of diversity. The guy’s talent may have been questionable, but heck he had heaps of charisma and the X-Factor!

Here’s what one judge had to say about this Siberian Sweetheart, Christmas Tree Without Lights, Victoria’s Secret From Hell….

“You remind me of a boomerang, every time I try and throw you away, you come back. What can I say. If this show was called ‘America’s Got Absolute Ridiculous Imbeciles’ then you have a pretty good chance of winning but unfortunately it’s called ‘America’s Got Talent’ and you are possibly the least talented person in the entire competition.”

Well thanks Piers. Are you out of your mind?? Piers Morgan adored the Rapping Granny (gag) and the striptease act (double gag). Whereas, Leonid was breathtaking, and in his own words “great, magnificent and flawless.” I agree, though I’m sure we’d completely disagree on public policy and other important matters.

This is a summary of what has happened so far at the twilight of the summer reality tv season. A requirement for me to actually write this post is to watch umpteen hundred hours of television. Despite my Tivo screaming UNCLE, I forged on.

The finales are upon us. Sadly, my Tivo was (and still is) packed to the gills and ended up trashing The Last Comic Standing and Hell’s Kitchen finales. Yep, they are in the delete pile, vanishing before I had a chance to peruse them, overwritten by other shows on my packed tv show scheduler. When I found this out, I felt like throwing up.

So I had to rely on third party news for some of the recaps. I’m glad I only provide opinions, as opinions never go stale.

My thoughts on the outcomes anyway:

So You Think You Can Dance: Mostly rehash with contestants all dancing previous dance numbers except for gimmicks like the transvestite judge from Turkish SYTYCD, Sierra (whoever she is), Fergie of The Black Eyed Peas (really what’s with the awful guest spots on the Simon Fuller shows?), and short solos from the finalists. Gush. Fawn. Marvel. Praise. So much love from the judges. So not like American Idol. And Benji IS IT! Told you the girls were toast. I love crying Benji. He’s so adorable. Travis was great and a perfect sport. Hats off to you, man.

Last Comic Standing: I cheated via you tube. Whatever. I’m SOOOoooo happy Josh Blue won. The top 2, Josh and Ty Barnett, were most deserving. That guy Chris Porter (3rd placer), with his overtly adult content, was way too weird for my taste. I’m too much of a prude to appreciate him. I so much prefer politically incorrect jokes about the physically challenged and the special olympics. JOSH BLUE ROCKS!!!!

Hell’s Kitchen: What can I say but the right person took it. No surprise that Heather, who stood out as a clear leader from day one, would triumph. She was the audience favorite many weeks in a row. She was predestined to win. Still I hate my Tivo for eating my finale and keeping me from savoring those last few delectable moments of Ramsay’s Hell.

America’s Got Talent: Whaaaat??! How could America pass on the Millers — the Miller kid is a harmonica playing prodigy who dare I say would give Taylor Hicks a run for his reputation? How could they snub my personal favorite (!), the truly awesome, spectacular modern day illusionist and wizard, the terrific [add more superlatives here] Nathan Burton! (I prefer him to the serious David Copperfield or the ultra glum David Blaine.) HE WUZ ROBBED!!! And what about All That, the tap dancing quintet channeling Chippendales and Riverdance? Or At Last, the Asian quartet who beatboxes and does harmonized a cappella? How could these talents actually lose? Tell me America, what is so great about YET another child singer with Aretha Franklin’s voice straight out of America’s Most Talented Kids or Star Search? And my biggest question of all: why do little singing kids leave me cold? A completely unique act could’ve won — instead, Bianca Ryan did.

All in all, it was an enjoyable summer season. Now if only my Tivo had a neck so I can wring it.

The meanest man in all of TV land is not American Idol’s Simon Cowell nor the semi-dreadful but boring Piers Morgan of America’s Got Talent. These fellows are the Pussycat Dolls compared to the King of All Nasty Mortals on the Reality Channel: Hell’s Kitchen’s Gordon Ramsay, who by the way, is coincidentally British like all the rest of the television curmudgeons out there. What’s with all these imported northern grousers coming to our shores to make a mint off of mocking our aspiring “talents”? There seems to be a trend here. Do Americans really enjoy being lambasted by forked tongues from foreign lands? Is it all the fault of that slick accent that somehow makes any insult sound almost like veiled acceptance?

Simon: “If your lifeguard duties were as good as your singing, a lot of people would be drowning.”
Piers: “I don’t think it’s very easy to arrange car crashes.”
Gordon: “Escort these two ladies please… Back to plastic surgery.”

Simon: “Why are you having a normal conversation with him? This is a dairy farmer dressed as a woman.”
Piers: “We now know that one of the footman at the palace was a Daily Mirror journalist…”
Gordon: “The problem with Yanks is they are wimps.”

My Meanness Ratings?

Simon: amusing, funny
Piers: uncomfortable, as if he’s trying too hard
Gordon: hard-core

At any rate, I do get a kick out of some of those heartless comments uttered by Mr. Ramsay, my favorites being “You Donkey!” (which sounds more like “Yeewww Dunkee!”) and the truly refreshing “Move Your Ass!” (or was that “Mewv Yer Arse!”) It awakens in me some strange glee that I had seemingly relegated to a childhood full of rambunctious mischief, especially when some other poor sucker of a kid would bear the brunt of my misdeeds (I learned the art of finger pointing rather early; that is, the skill of blame deflection). But glee aside, does anyone really believe that the skull and dagger talk is the way to figure out what hopefuls are made of — to filter the cream from the dregs, or as they say, the way to separate the meat from the chaff, the men from the boys? I’m amazed at what the poor blokes on these tv contests have to put up with week after week. All to get a shot at stardom and victory.

Let’s see, that brings to mind some fond memories… there was a time when I once withstood two years of almost daily castigation:

“This bloody piece of @#&*(%#$)% hell better make it to !@&^*(#% tomorrow or else I’ll bloody have a @#*%$&#%!!!!”

from a boss from hell. Funny… he was also, coincidentally, an import.

< Credit: thinkexist.com for the chuckle-worthy citations >

If you’re watching Rock Star Supernova, then good for you. You are undoubtedly watching the best show this summer. I find that this season’s bunch is superior to last year’s talent and better than most of who or what American Idol has churned out. Don’t get me wrong — American Idol is still the finest reality talent show there is — after all, what AI has, over and above all other shows, is its regular stable of characters who continue to entertain: from the inane judges to the quick-witted, affable host. On the other hand, what Rock Star has is actual talent, unless of course you are not a rock music fan (rock music in this case covers everything that was at one point edgy or cool throughout the years), in which case you can knock yourself out with repeated auditions of “Sugarpie Honeybunch” and “I Have Nothing” over at FOX.

I’ve also been watching “So You Think You Can Dance?”, which is produced by one of American Idol’s co-producers, Nigel Lythgoe. He claims of course that this dancing contest has been besting the ratings for the summer season. Yeah right… I can’t believe this show is actually kicking Rock Star’s butt. Sure it’s fun as well, but does America really prefer watching the tango and quickstep over some crazy ass cover of Creep or even 867-5309? Could it be because Benji Schwimmer has attracted vast legions of Claymates to the show? Just to get this straight: Benji is the swing dancer while Clay is the pop artist who emerged from American Idol Season 2 some eons ago. Apparently Benji is a Clay Aiken doppelganger. Let’s see if he triumphs over Travis. That said, the girls in the show are toast. Wonder if I’ll eat my words after this week?

As for Rock Star, there’s one contestant there who captured my attention with his vocal and piano rendition of Losing My Religion a couple of weeks ago. He comes across as a cross between George Clooney and Adam Sandler.
Except without the personality. Sigh. I wish he’d loosen up a little and engage in a little more banter with the judges and Mr. Red Hot Chili Pepper himself (Dave Navarro). Ryan, dude, smile a little will you? The girls would love it. And do us a favor, don’t get kicked off yet.