My sympathies to Anna Nicole Smith and her family.

Many moons ago, I remember how one of my earliest Tivoed shows happened to be The Anna Nicole Show. I don’t know why I got so hooked into it. I can probably thank my radar for seeking out train wrecks like a missile to heat source. What can I say, but I have a morbid curiosity for tramps on television. I heard about the Playboy bunny who married the old geezer who just croaked, bequeathing said bunny mega bucks. I heard about how the bunny was fighting her stepson who was several years her senior, for said mega bucks. And I thought, what an awful opportunist! What trash! Then I tuned into her show.

What I saw changed my mind about Anna Nicole. I met her entourage, through Tivo, and had an appointment with them every week. There was Howard Stern, the lawyer friend; Kim, the butch assistant; her poodle, Sugar Pie whom she couldn’t live without and was annoying as heck; and her son Daniel whom she doted on constantly. I thought she was whiny, childish, silly and more than a tad bit spoiled. But she appeared real and genuine to me — she didn’t put on airs and didn’t seem fake; she was authentically juvenile, and above all, was a caring person to her cobbled family.

What I saw was the portrait of the ugly American who scarfed down fast food and milk shakes and went tipsy from over-eating; who, after 9-11, wondered why people in far flung places, in far flung food joints, would decide to blow themselves up for a cause. Yet how could you not be endeared by her: she who cooed to her husband who sat in a vat on top of her television, who got ripped off by an ultra “looxiourious” wannabe diva of a designer named Bobby Trendy and got raked through the coals by the other Howard Stern of triple-X radio. Her denseness knew no bounds and sometimes, it did get on my nerves.

In recent times, she has dropped 70 pounds thanks to Trimspa and laxatives. She just lost her son to a cocktail of prescribed medications. She reportedly “married” her lawyer friend, and just gave birth to a baby daughter. On top of it all, her erstwhile photographer boyfriend is now suing her over a paternity test. Wherever she is, she continues to vamp it up. Shamelessly.

I miss The Anna Nicole Show. I will now have to get my hit from watching that Hilton girl on The Simple Life.

And Daniel Smith, may you rest in peace.

 
 
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