So Do You Think They Can Dance?
Dancing With The Stars was a tearful night of the Waltz interspersed with some heavy footed Paso Doble.
Why is it that when bonafide B-rated celebrities decide to make television by joining a talent contest, it never quite gets as exciting as when real average hard-working joes like you and me are given the opportunity to show off what God has given us?
Answer: these B-stars aren’t RAW. Hollywood doesn’t have the same rawness, freshness and awkwardness that you see when you simply pluck someone off the street (or audition line) and make him sing or dance. And that’s what’s missing here. That’s what was missing in Celebrity Duets and Skating with Celebrities.
Nevertheless, I fought my drowsiness with heavy yawning and Tivo’s handy fast forward. With memories of Tom Jones brought back by the dreadful Las Vegas theme song intro, I cringed through the show asking “Who ARE these people?” I vaguely remember Joey Lawrence as Joey Russo from Blossom when I was a tween in the last century. Vivica Fox is some movie actress who appears in movies I don’t watch. Guess that’s because I’m more a Tivohead than a Netflixer. I don’t do sports tv, so the football player is just yet another clumsy figure who moves like Frankenstein on the floor. The only recognizable people to me were the king of tabloid talk shows, Jerry Springer (shown weeping over his waltz with his soon-to-be married daughter — oh the irony!) and eye-candy deeply bedimpled Mario Lopez. So without those two I would be hanging out on Bravo rewatching Project Runway.
This week, they sashayed to two emotional dances:
The Sentimental and Romantic Waltz characterized by
- soft, flowing movements
- effortless rise and fall (make like a carousel)
- serene facial expressions (toss in a few tears)
The Angry Paso Doble, where role-playing is key, requires
- flamenco feet (stomp away)
- marching movements
- defined hand movements
- flavor of the Bullfight
The only attention-worthy performance was the hot Latin guy Mario channeling last year’s winner Drew Lachey; the rest of the time I was lulled into a stupor with the “If I Were A Painting…” and “You Light Up My Life” routines.
Just give me So You Think You Can Dance? instead.
Watch Dancing With The Stars on ABC, Tuesdays/Wednesdays @ 8/7c.
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